February 7, 2010
this could be yours...44% off...just sayin'
February 7, 2010
this could be yours, 44% off....just sayin'
*TODAY ONLY! FEBRUARY 7, 2010! In honor of the 44th Superbowl and the respite needed from tv and men, I am offering a huge SUPERBOWL sale! 44% off your total order!
Simply proceed to checkout as usual, and I will issue you a partial refund once the transaction is completed. 44% off your total order (before shipping)!!*
February 5, 2010
I have held this within me for a very long time. My brother is the King of all grammar correctors, but I may come a close second, and I’ve been told by my husband (who always says “went” when he should say “gone” and “take” when he should say “bring”–ugh…my mouth is watering right now at the hatred of that misuse) that it’s super-dooper annoying, but I don’t care. This is it people. This is the end. This is advice that YOU MUST LISTEN TO OR I WILL RIP EVERY FUCKING EYELASH OUT (of the doll laying next to me).
I just read on Facebook one of my friend’s comments on one of her friend’s album, and the title of this photo album…
‘Adam and I’s Little Angel’
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
I’s.
I’s.
Whoever told you, whoever you are, which is why I am pointing this person out because I don’t know who she is, that I’s is ok to use? Tell me.
It just sounds bad doesn’t it? Doesn’t it hurt your tongue to say that?
If I pointed to Gianna and Lillian, I wouldn’t say, “These are Sean and I’s children.” No…. no I wouldn’t. I would say “These are Sean’s and MY children.” I don’t know when this is taught in the early years of school, but it’s very basic.
Take off the other person’s name. There easy. Now say it outloud.
“These are MY CHILDREN.”
Now, add back the other name and make that possessive. Done. So easy.
NOT “These are I’s children.”
Not Sean and I’s first date. It’s (Sean’s and) my first date.
Not Sean and I’s car. (Sean’s and) my car.
I could be wrong on this. Someone please tell me. But I just think I’s is the Satan’s spawn of all English. Stop saying it.
I love you all.
And on a lighter note, the girls made it through their first week of school without shitting themselves and/or getting kicked out!!
xoxo
S
January 20, 2010
I'm 31!
Sean and I have been married for, gulp, 6 years this July. Ya? So? Well, it occurred to me the other night that I have never, and I mean never, ever, ever used our Williams-Sonoma cookbooks that we received as wedding gifts. That means that ROASTING, SALAD, FISH, SOUP, ITALIAN, AND HEALTHY COOKING could have easily been taken off our registry. Dumb. Damn, that’s a lot of books bought, given, and left sittin’. Probably at least 2 Henckles’ knives’ worth. Shit.
So, I was thumbing through the pages the other night of the “Dessert” one, and the desserts look amazing, but I’ve never been motivated enough to make one from the book. I don’t know why. I am always up for a culinary challenge (I would never have any problems tossing a live lobster in a pot of boiling water you pussy Julie). I decided that with Sean’s birthday coming up, I should make something really special. I didn’t want a GIANT cheesecake or chocolate torte left sitting in the fridge after we couldn’t finish because that means that I would be eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 3-4 consecutive days. So, I decided on the “White Chocolate and Raspberry Parfaits” because it was the perfect recipe to half and dish up individual portions. Drumroll for the ingredients…
1.5 cups mascarpone cheese (SuperTarget was out. Grrrr. Whole Foods stop #2)
1 cup heavy cream
4 ounces white chocolate coarsely chopped (I used white choco chips)
3 cups fresh raspberries (I also used blueberries because I was feeling extra patriotic that day)
Fresh mint for garnish
and….
here’s the kicker…
18 amaretti di Saronno cookies, coarsely crushed.
Not a big deal, right? 5-6 measly ingredients.
As my dad would say, “Well ain’t I the fucking asshole?” because after my Omaha hunt for Amaretti cookies came to an abrupt end when even Whole Foods didn’t carry them, I had to think quickly on my sweet feet. Seriously? Even Whole Foods didn’t have them. I chatted it up with the super nice lady at the bakery department while she dished me out multiple samples of gelato and she said they get asked “all the time” for those cookies, but just don’t carry them. RED FLAG buyers of Whole Foods. If people are demanding, then the most basic thing would be to…anyone? Anyone? Anyone?
SUPPLY.
Well, anyway, she said I could try Sur La Table or Broadway Market in Countryside Village. As if. I don’t mean to beat a dead horse or anything, but muddy, melty, dirty, snowy, slushy ground+ freezing temps+ 2 toddlers+ in and out of car= ABSOLUTE HELL ON EARTH FOR ME. Yes, I am selfish. I would prefer to not, and my grandmother Rose not know I am saying this, expose my children to gourmet foods and stores of the like if I can’t get an abso-fucking-lute guarantee said store will have what I need.
Defeated and full of gelato samples, I pushed the cart, with Gianna and Lillian nearing head injury as they were both at this point straddling the shopping cart, in and out, and in and out of the bakery section waiting for the perfect solution to my cookie conundrum.
Bite size cuteness
HARK!
The cutest little pint of heart-shaped Lemon Lavender cookies caught my eye. Lemon + fresh fruit = yum.
I bought that cute little pint o’ cooks. Bought them so hard, crushed them so hard and replaced them so hard for those Amaretti cookies that no one in Omaha seems to want to carry.
And the day after, I thought to myself, “I should have gone to Williams-Sonoma first. I bet those fuckers sell the God damn Amaretti cookies.” Sometimes I am an idiot. I can also guarantee these little bastards would be at Captuo’s or Granato’s in SLC, Utah or right in front of your face at Dean & Deluca or any other store that I can think of now in retrospect. Blerg!
Sean said it was his favorite birthday dessert he’s ever had. And the girls got to eat some too, while devouring fruit which always makes a mama happy.
Twins. Sean and Gianna that is. Exactly the same.
I win.
In a bowl, using a mixer on medium speed, beat together the mascarpone and heavy cream until smooth- about 10 seconds. Put the white chocolate in a double boiler and melt over barely simmering water until smooth. Add the still-hot melted white choco to the cream and beat with the mixer on med speed until well blended and slightly thickened, about 45 seconds.
White mixture= close to Godliness
Have 6 long-stemmed wineglasses ready and put 2 heaping TBS of the cream mixture in bottom of glass, then 2 TBS of fruit, then 1 TBS of crushed cookies (at this point, I would suggest whatever cookies call your name). Repeat the steps so you have 3 layers of each cream, fruit, and cookies. Sprinkle with more cookies on top and add mint (which I didn’t do). Refrigerate for at least 2 hours or up to 8.
prep
Makes 6 servings, or 2 giant ones for Sean and 1 regular size for me if you half the recipe.
present....devour, and cry because it's just that good.
January 11, 2010
Sunday afternoon, almost 5pm, my back permanently arched over from working on the sewing machine for hours straight (projects!), Sean asks me what the plan is for dinner.
Oh shiiiiiiiiit. “Um, soup?”, I replied more as a question than a definite reply.
I really just thought of the first thing I could think of, like when Ralphie says he wants a football because it’s all he could think of.
Then Sean’s all “Great, what kind? ”
Ugh. Stop interrogated me!
Then I remembered, holy shit, I am a genius. Well, really it’s my phone that’s smarter than I am, but more on that later.
CAULIFLOWER CHEDDAR SOUP!
So, I sent Sean on his merry way in frigidness for a few ingredients and by 6:45, behold…
COMFORT FOOD.
That the whole family enjoyed too…including beer! Oh I kid.
So, back to why my phone is a genius. My mom sends out weekly recipes, called her “Fabulous Food Friday!”, or what I like to call the “triple f” and every Friday, I get triple effed. This soup was the most recent FFF and I remembered that all I had to do was look on my phone to see what was for dinner. If you would like to be TRIPLE EFFED every Friday, and really, who wouldn’t, then please visit my adorable mother’s (Marguerite Henderson) site and sign up on the homepage for weekly recipes.
Here:
www.margueritehenderson.com
Here is the recipe for the Cauliflower Soup which warmed this entire family up on a Sunday evening. And it’s so ridiculously easy, even your little tater tots can chip in with stirring, shredding, slurping, dunking, etc.
With just a few key ingredients that you probably already have in the kitchen and a couple more that requires a quick jaunt to the store, you will have the most last minute, half-assed planned, but very well executed dinner.
CREAMY CAULIFLOWER CHEDDAR SOUP
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
4 cups vegetable or chicken broth
1 teaspoon kosher salt
2 small or 1 large head cauliflower, cut into florets (about 4 cups florets)
1 pinch ground nutmeg
1 1/2 cups whole milk
2 cups shredded white Cheddar cheese
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
½ cup freshly chopped chives or sliced green onions
Melt butter in a 4 quart soup pot over a medium-low heat. Saute the onion and garlic in the butter until the onion is soft. Pour in the vegetable or chicken broth, salt, cauliflower florets, nutmeg and bring the mixture to a boil; then reduce heat and cook until cauliflower is tender, about 25 minutes. Remove pot from heat to cool.
Use a food processor or blender to blend the soup-onion-cauliflower mixture until smooth (blend the mixture 2 cups at a time). Place the blended soup back in the 4 quart soup pot and heat over a medium-low heat. Pour milk into the pot and stir well. When the mixture is simmering, mix in 1 ½ cups of cheese. Stir until cheese melts and the soup has thickened. Serve hot, with sprinkles of remaining 1/2 cup cheese, black pepper and chopped chives or green onions. Serves 4-6.
January 10, 2010
Reading to Gianna and Lillian is one of my all-time favorite things to do as a mom. I love it and have since the moment they were born. Granted, when they were teeny tiny little poopers of black substances, I would read out loud to them my InStyle and People magazines (hey, I figured it’s important to instill these interests early), but just looking at them listening to the different intonations in my voice made me realize they get this- they truly get this whole ‘being read to’ gig. And, I got to kill two birds with one stone…staying current and reading to my kids.
Giving books as gifts is also one my favorite things to do because a) they are expensive and not something you ever really buy for yourself and b) I (well, we) have an amazing collection of books to read to the girls thanks to everyone who has ever given us books…so THANK YOU!
It’s primal. It’s instinctual. How could you not read to your kids? Nothing broke my heart more than one day when my friend Meg, who is an 8th grade English teacher in upstate New York asked her students what their favorite books are, and no one had any, so then she asked them what their favorite books were when they were a child, and more than one stated that they had never been read to.
Um, jaw dropping. So sad.
So, today I just wanted to share a few of my favorites, well actually they are Gianna and Lillian’s favorites, but it makes me giddy with joy that they have favorites!! And, it’s funny, because most of them are all about problem resolution. Oh my thinky little thinkers are heading towards corporate human resources already! I can just tell.
So, if you’re looking for some great reads for a 3 year old, then here we go!
In no particular order they are:
1) Two Eggs, Please- I love this book because it’s truly the most simple message. We are all different on the outside, but we are all the same on the inside.
2) Tango Makes Three- My dad calls this a bunch of ‘left-wing bullshit propaganda’, but oddly enough, he’s the one who gave the girls this book because it truly is a beautiful story. That just the way my dad is. Even though on the surface it seems like it’s a stretch, it really is a wonderful story, and a true one at that, that teaches our children that everyone, EVERYONE, has the ability and right to love and nurture, no matter their sexual preferences. It makes me cry every time I read it.
3) Good Night, Gorilla- Ok, so this isn’t so much problem resolution, although I do like how the wife takes control and thinks she’s got it all figured out, but then she’s dooped in the end, just like the husband. Well, I assume they are husband and wife. They may just be common law spouses, or even in a more twisted scenario, brother and sister. No words really, other than ‘Good Night’ so it leaves it up to the reader to create a narrative that can truly keep the kiddos on their toes, and scared to death of a zoo in their bedroom.
4) Orange Pear Apple Bear- Again, not too much problem resolution going on here, but there are 5 words in this entire book. FIVE. That’s it! And the best part, Gianna and Lillian are at the stage where they are reading this book to me. The illustrations are gorgeous and the texture of this paper is to die for. There’s some thing about it that makes me all velvety smooth from the inside out.
5) Big Dog…Little Dog- I am totally biased on this. I LOVED this book when I was little. Loved it. I think that mainly because when they went skiing and ice skating, I totally thought that they were at “Park West” ski resort, which is now called “The Canyons”. I totally completely thought that that’s where this book took place. But seriously, problem resolution: why make big problems out of little ones? So easy and to this day as an adult, something so simple to remember. That bird really sets Fred and Ted straight. And me too.
6) Put Me in The Zoo- This damn leopard thing has so many mad skillz, he just doesn’t know where to go in life with them. The kids steer him in the right direction after he impresses the shit out of them.
7) Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day- Again, totally biased here. I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED, this book when I was little. One of my all time favorites. And to this day, when nothing seems to go right, you just have to suck it up and remember we all have days that start off shitty, continue to be shitty, and end shitty, but it happens to everyone, and tomorrow will be a whole other day.
Yoko- Sweet little cherry blossom Yoko. Gets teased relentlessly about her food she brings to eat for lunch. Just because everyone else seems to be eating all-American junk food, doesn’t mean that Yoko is weird. The teacher helps everyone understand that we all have different foods that we love to eat, and we need to appreciate everyone’s different tastes and cultures. And who doesn’t love Rosemary Wells? WHO?!
9) On the Day You Were Born- I just added this because I cry every time I read it, even three years later. Having children is truly one of the most joyous (for lack of better terms) events and when you have children, you have no idea the anticipation that other people feel for you, but now that my friends are having children of their own (um hello 2010 baby boom), I can truly appreciate how excited they were for ME when I gave birth and it just makes me wish I could re-live the whole celebration over and over and over again. Babies are cool.
10) Rose and the Bald-Headed Elephant- A new read given as a Christmas present from Nana, just a beautiful book about loving who you are and how you look. Especially important for my geeky little tots who wear glasses.
January 9, 2010
Well, here we are. Oh Ten as my friend Rush calls it, and writes it. Months ago I truly believe with all my good-hearted parenting knowledge and belief in my children that we would be 100% potty trained. That we would be out at Costco stocking up on Cheerios and eggs and a shit ton of black beans and my children would say to me in the clearest language that a tot can have, “Mommy. I need to pee.” Or better yet, “Mommy, I think I need to take a shit.”
No, no, no, no. We’ve been working on this since late July, when they were technically 2.5 years of age and with all my might I withheld any type of training until they reached that golden age. I’ve tried every method possible and to this day am shocked I didn’t either a) kill myself or b) wake up with the most wicked hangover of my life the day after I spent 8 straight hours in the bathroom with my children. That’s what we did one day. I was the potty Nazi. I vowed to never do that again. When Sean got home that day, I almost went Jack Nicholson “Shining” on his ass, but I refrained and made dinner and drank. A bottle of wine.
So, it’s almost mid-January and we still battle it out, every 45 minutes. And here’s where the Pop Rocks come into play. Imagine you have a package of that delicious novelty treat in your hand. Imagine it now. Do it. Now, take off the top corner of the package and stick out your tongue. Pour a little bit out on your tongue and bring that tongue back into your mouth a little bit…not all the way. You are doing it now, aren’t you? Now, go look at yourself in the mirror with your tongue sticking out just a little and don’t blink—keep your eyes as wide open as possible. Now. Freeze frame.
That’s how my beautiful daughters look at me when I ask, “Who need to go to the potty?!” That’s how they look at me right before they bolt under the coffee table or dining table and moments later, I find myself near tears on all 4s pleading for them to come out from under the table because if they shit themselves today, then there’s no God damn chocolate!
And scene.
December 8, 2009
I needed to share this. I have been slacking severely, but so have all of you somewhere out there in one form or another. Just forgive me and move on. Let’s make 2010 a year of forgiveness.
With that being said, I will forgive my daughters’ obsession with Care Bears. Well, I will try. By forgiveness, I mean, I will “accidentally” lose their completely hideous Care Bears “Share a Scare” DVD that I got them for our road trip to SLC this Autumn. It was $5 and it was at Target, in the check out lane of course, so as a mother, I couldn’t resist because I am a weak, pathetic human being. Little did I know, it was the looooooongest DVD full of the Care Bears mini stories. I think that there are about 8. And it’s the type of DVD where you can’t FF to the MAIN MENU…you have to watch the total bullshit promos of random children’s programming from Australia “coming in 2005!” type stuff. (Which should have been a red flag to me that this DVD is old as dirt…even older than 2004.)
The cartoons are the original 1980s Care Bear cartoons, once you FIIIINALLY get to the main menu. I am sure they are even the same ones that I used to watch back in the day when in 1984 my #1 Santa Wish List item was a BLUE Care Bears wrist watch. I got it. I was really good that year. But, I am sure you can imagine given that it is a) from the 80s, b) there is more than 1 ten minute long story, c) it is all they want to watch, that eventually, the sound of the disc even spinning in the player, and the first 3 seconds of the intro song make me want to curl up in a ball and pull out each of my own fingernails. I mean, the sound of the music is so so so so bad. Why they would think even 5 years ago that it was ok to throw these all on a disc without digitally restoring them or whatever shit they do to cartoons is beyond me. It’s pure torture. For Gianna and Lillian, it’s crack.
Which brings me to my story. Sean was on call last night and as much I enjoy ruling roost, I really do love it when he walks through the door at whatever time and immediately gets on the floor and plays “horsie”, “bear”, or “lion” (whichever animal they demand on a 15 second rotation). But, that didn’t happen last night. It was just me. All day with them. I seriously think they must start to hate me towards the end of the day because although I’ve never directly expressed to them how much I hate the Care Bears DVD, they are very intuitive creatures. So when I said to them “Come on, let’s sit down and eat dinner. What would you like, a quesadilla with shredded pork?”, Lillian just looked up at me and said, “No. Care Bears.”
This is when it gets bad too. I replied, “Yes I think that’s a great idea. I would love to heat up some Care Bears, cut it up into little tiny pieces for you, then throw away what you don’t finish.”
Goody goody gosh. They didn’t think that was funny.
They got a quesadilla with tomatillo salsa and shredded pork (leftovers from the night before and a pretty much staple dish for us). While they watched Care Bears and faced their fears…because really, that’s what it’s all about. No seriously…that’s what that entire God damn DVD is all about. Telling the truth and facing your fears. Ok, ok, ok, uncle. I get it.
2010. Here I come. Care Bears have inspired me to face my fears. My biggest fear? Pregnancy. Not for other of course. Just for myself. So, maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe I will let down my guard next year. But I really do think that 2013 sounds a lot better. Just sayin’.
November 16, 2009
Well, for anyone who is rearing their child/ren towards the big potty with a capital P, the title of this entry may cause you nightmares… Elmo haunting you in your dreams as he revisits the days when he was potty training. And yes, there is that damn song, Accidents Happen and That’s Ok-ay!
But no, this isn’t about peeing and pooping, although, it’s pretty much all I do these days. Not the actual act, but the training of…times two. And if not training I craft, but I have dropped the crochet needles for the night and am sitting in total silence with a glass of wine and have been wanting to tell the world about this– so here it is.
I have completely, utterly redeemed myself in the kitchen. Ok, let’s be honest, I never really doubted myself at all and blamed that last dinner entry ENTIRELY on the recipe. But tonight, it’s a different story. Tonight I will tell you how I effed it up in the kitchen 3 NIGHTS IN A ROW. And by effed up, I mean, I effing dominated that shit. Yes, and I am here to tell you how you can too.
Step one…
Befriend a little lady named Amber Fries who lives in Prosser, WA where she and her husband tend to all kinds of farm animals, she drinks lots of wine, writes recipes, and her family is part of the Desert Wind winery, which I have never been to, but when I can, I expect deluxe treatment. I don’t really, but I like to think so. I met Amber in late, oh, my god, that long ago…1997? Anyway, when we were in college. Ugh. So long ago. She attended Linfield in Oregon where my friend Anne (um, read her blog too) went to college and I visited and a grand time was had by all. I don’t think I’ve seen Amber since 2001 when I lived in Portland, but she is a very intriguing individual and is a wizard in the kitchen, a master of wine pairings, and kills her own chickens. I made up that last part. I think. I can just picture her doing it, so I said it.
Anyway, I digress. Amber is fantastic and so is Facebook because when Amber writes about a recipe she just submitted to a regional magazine, but only says the title of the recipe and doesn’t provide the recipe, and I tell her SEND ME THAT RECIPE NOW BECAUSE IT SOUNDS SO GOOD, moments later, I have the recipe. And I feel extra special.
Here is is…advanced notice to all you lucky bastards out there….THANK AMBER because this is going to be in Mid-Columbian Magazine and won’t appear until the next issue (Jan/Feb 2010). I have made it twice now. So should you. Stat.
Dijon Beef Stew with Rosemary Cornmeal Dumplings
For the stew
2 pounds cubed beef stew meat
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 small yellow onion, peeled and thinly sliced
2 carrots, peeled and diced
1 cup dry red wine
1 14.5-ounce can petite diced tomatoes
2 cups beef broth
1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves
2 tablespoons smooth Dijon mustard, such as Grey Poupon
Salt and pepper to taste
For the dumplings
1/2 cup cornmeal
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup chilled unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
3/4 cup buttermilk
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh rosemary
1. Combine the stew meat and flour in a large bowl and toss to coat evenly.
2. Heat the oil over medium heat in a large stockpot. Add the onions and carrots and sauté until they are soft, about 5 minutes. Shake any excess flour from meat, then add it to the stockpot and sauté until the meat is browned, 8-10 minutes.
3. Add the red wine, scraping up brown bits from the bottom of the stock pot.
4. Add the tomatoes, broth and thyme and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium-low; cover and simmer for 45-50 minutes.
5. Blend in the mustard and season to taste with salt and pepper.
6. Stir together the cornmeal, flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a bowl. Using your fingertips, blend in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Add the buttermilk and rosemary, stirring just until the dough is moistened.
7. Drop the dumpling dough by heaping tablespoons onto the top of the stew, placing them at least one inch apart. Reduce the heat to low and gently simmer, covered, until the tops of the dumplings are dry to the touch, approximately 15 minutes.
*** Oh and a little sidenote from Mrs. Fries, which is so true, but still tastes great anyway***
“By the way, this gets a little weird if you try to reheat it since the dumplings sort of mix into the stew and make it all Cream of Wheat-like.”
SO take that. Make that. There’s night #1. Done. I win.
Leftovers.
We had enough leftovers for maybe one huge bowl of stew, but not enough for two bowls. So, Sean suggested we reheat and serve over rice and I gagged my brains out because it sounded so good over, wait for it…POLENTA.
So, Sean made some polenta which took like 20 minutes
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/basic-polenta-recipe/index.html
…and you will have the cornmeal from the dumplings in the stew (which is why the stew served over polenta works so well anyway) and we had dinner #2. Top that!
Oh ok, I will.
SO then, NIGHT #3, we had leftover polenta. I know, I know. We are really pushing it here, but stick with me. So, we had leftover polenta, and this is where I am telling you I really effed it up in the kitchen because I was like possessed by the creative dinner patrol.
I opened the fridge, saw grapes (HUGE holiday red grapes), pre-cut butternut squash (thank you Costco), rosemary, leftover polenta. Then, I opened the freezer, and saw….Italian sausages. Holy shit.
So, here’s the recipe for whatever the hell you want to call this…
POLENTA WITH OVEN ROASTED GRAPES AND SQUASH WITH ITALIAN SAUSAGE
Dinner --- Success Once Again
1 package (5 links) Italian sausages sliced into quarter size pieces
12 red seedless grapes halved
2 cups diced butternut squash
2 Tbs. fresh rosemary (you will have from rosemary dumplings from the stew)
2 Tbs. fresh sage (which is my only herb still standing in the backyard)
2 Tbs. Grapeseed Oil (or Olive Oil)
Salt and Pepper
Preheat oven to 375. Cook Italian sausage slices on stovetop until almost entirely cooked, but still a little pink. Mix the grapes, squash, oil, salt and pepper together and place in a roasting pan. Add sausage to the top of the mixture. Roast for about 40 minutes or until the squash is done. Reheat the polenta and add mixture to the top of polenta. Dish up and you have successfully dominated dinner 3 nights in a row.
Oven Roasted Grapes are Good Everyone.
October 30, 2009
So, typically I write about meals that were a huge success(!) and hit(!) with friends and family, but this week, I am feeling a little defeated, but at the same time want to find some sort of redemption. Redemption in the form of telling you not to make the same mistake I made, even though by mistake I mean following the directions exactly, well, then, I made no error, but whatever. Here we go.
Let me start with the recipe:
From FOOD NETWORK MAGAZINE, NOVEMBER 2009:
SLOW COOKER ASIAN PORK WITH NOODLES
Sounds delicious right? Just the title alone made me want to try it. Then I saw the picture. So, I made it. Here are the ingredients.
3 POUNDS BONELESS PORK TENDERLOIN
2 TBS VEGETABLE OIL
4 CUPS LOW-SODIUM CHICKEN BROTH
1 CUP SOY SAUCE
1/2 CUP DRY SHERRY
1/4 CUP PACKED DARK BROWN SUGAR
2 TBS TOASTED SESAME OIL
1/2 TSP RED PEPPER FLAKES
2 STAR ANISE PODS
1 CINNAMON STICK
5 GARLIC CLOVES, SMASHED
1 2-INCH PIECE GINGER PEELED AND SLICED
6 TO 8 WHOLE DRIED SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS
1 POUND RAMEN OR SOBA NOODLES
1/4 CUP WATER CHESTNUTS SLICED
2 FRESNO CHILI PEPPERS SEEDED AND THINLY SLICED
2 SCALLIONS, SLICED
1/4 CUP FRESH CILANTRO
Soooooooo, not rocket science, right? Very easy and sounds delicious. The aromas wafting through the house starting at noon made me hungry by 1pm. It was a long afternoon. I couldn’t wait to devour this dinner. I was ravenous by 6pm, served it up, ate one bite and said to Sean, “This is so effing good!”. After the second bite I said, “Oh my god, this is so damn salty.” I couldn’t eat any more. Two bites. That’s it. Done. After all that. Defeat. Sean ate his because that’s what courteous husbands do. The girls…not really. They nibbled on A NOODLE I think.
So upon reflection, here’s what happened. I’ve gone back over and over again. Did I use regular sodium chicken broth? I dug through the recycling…no it was low-sodium. Well, shit. Then it was the soy sauce. And the salting of the pork. And the salting of the noodle water. And the poor mushrooms just sat in that salty broth and soaked up nothing but salt all day so they were just ruined. The pork was amazing. It really was. It was a beautiful caramel color and the flavors were unreal…I think browning it first protected it from the salt invasion.
Here’s what I would recommend from here on out because oh yes, I will make this again. I will. I will not let you break me down Food Network Magazine.
3 POUNDS BONELESS PORK TENDERLOIN******NEXT TIME I WILL ONLY PEPPER IT, NOT SALT AND PEPPER*****
2 TBS VEGETABLE OIL
4 CUPS LOW-SODIUM CHICKEN BROTH
1 CUP SOY SAUCE 1 CUP LOW SODIUM SOY SAUCE, OR MAYBE EVEN LESS. LET’S TRY 3/4 CUP
1/2 CUP DRY SHERRY 1/2 cup REAL SHERRY— Make sure you use the real sherry, like from a wine store. I used the sherry for cooking, which is loaded with salt. Loaded.
1/4 CUP PACKED DARK BROWN SUGAR
2 TBS TOASTED SESAME OIL
1/2 TSP RED PEPPER FLAKES
2 STAR ANISE PODS
1 CINNAMON STICK
5 GARLIC CLOVES, SMASHED
1 2-INCH PIECE GINGER PEELED AND SLICED
6 TO 8 WHOLE DRIED SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS
1 POUND RAMEN OR SOBA NOODLES ****DO NOT SALT THE WATER********
1/4 CUP WATER CHESTNUTS SLICED
2 FRESNO CHILI PEPPERS SEEDED AND THINLY SLICED
2 SCALLIONS, SLICED
1/4 CUP FRESH CILANTRO
1. SEASON THE PORK WITH PEPPER. HEAT A SKILLET OVER MEDIUM HIGH HEAT W THE VEG OIL. ADD THE PORK AND BROWN ON ALL SIDES 6 TO 8 MINUTES AND TRANSFER TO A PLATE.
2. COMBINE THE BROTH, SOY SAUCE, SHERRY, SUGAR, SESAME OIL, RED PEPPER FLAKES, STAR ANISE, AND CINNAMON STICK IN A 5 QUART SLOW COOKER. STIR TO DISSOLVE THE SUGAR, THEN ADD THE GARLIC, GINGER, AND MUSHROOMS. ADD THE PORK COVER AND PROGRAM TO COOK FOR 6 HOURS ON LOW.
3. TRANSFER THE PORK TO A PLATTER, COVER W FOIL, AND LET REST 15 MINUTES. REMOVE THE MUSHROOMS FROM THE BROTH, HALVE THEM, THEN RETURN TO THE BROTH.
4. BRING A LARGE POT OF WATER TO A BOIL AND COOK THE NOODLES AS THE LABEL DIRECTS. SLICE THE PORK. DIVIDE THE NOODLES AMONG BOWLS AND TOP WITH BROTH, AND MUSHROOMS, AND PORK, THEN GARNISH WITH WATER CHESTNUTS, CHILIS, SCALLIONS, AND CILANTRO.
Salt Broth
Za Pork...in resting mode.
How could I not make you again? You looked so good, and smelled even better. Damn you salt!
